What a book!!!

Last time I wrote, I told you about a book that I had just ordered called, "Choosing to SEE, by Mary Beth Chapman." Well I finished it last night and WOW, what a book. There were so many things that really hit me in this book but I am going to tell you about one of the most striking to me. We have had quite the go with our adoption journey. There have been many ups and downs, tears, asking the question why more times than I can count, anger, and understanding. We have gone thru many cycles of all of the above mentioned items. "Choosing to SEE" talks about Mary Beth Chapman's her struggle with life, choices, depression, and the death of their daughter. Mary Beth is very open about her struggle with God throughout all of it. In one part of the book, she talks about the Chapman's first Christmas without their little girl. Mary Beth came to a realization that Christmas didn't end at the manger. Christmas doesn't end until Easter after Christ was crucified and then rose again on the third day. She describes the realization the Mary had found favor with God and that he choose her to be the mother of Jesus. She would bear the the shame of being pregnant out of wedlock, the horrible pain of labor, giving birth in a disgusting barn with animals, knowing that she was raising the Son of God and trying to raise him in the way she was supposed to, and then watching the pain of her son being crucified on the cross. She was chosen by God to endure the shame and pain of it all because she found favor with God. Why should I expect less from my journey? God is truly in control of it all. Caleb Chapman explain grief as a piece of art work, a mosaic. Up close it looks like a complete mess, nothing looks pretty, it's just a bunch of blogs. But when we can get far enough away, it is a beautiful work of art that God has created just for us. Once this whole process has come to an end, we will get to see the beautiful piece of art that God has given us. Our wonderfully crazy journey that is uniquely ours and so special.

Thank you all for being a part of our art work journey. You all make up a part of our painting. Thank you for the support and prayers. Please keep it up. We appreciate you all.

New Attitude

Any one else ready for Spring? I know I am. The winter blues have taken a major hold on me lately. And I think I am starting to rub off on others too. Sorry if you have been one of them. My best friend recommended that I read a book called "Choosing to See" by Mary Beth Chapman, Steven Curtis Chapman's wife. I am so excited to get it. I ordered it last week and it was supposed to be here yesterday, but I have not received it as of yet. I need a new outlook and this book is about (from the reviews I read) making sure we are choosing to see the good God is doing thru the good and bad times. It is so easy to focus on the good when everything is going good, but when things take a turn for the worse, I tend to get sucked into the negative thinking frame of mind. I hope this book is encouraging and can help me get a new outlook on Mike and I's current situation.

Also, I just saw this quote on a friends facebook page and just loved it. So I wanted to share it with everyone. "There are no shortcuts to any place worth going - Beverly Sills." Talk about a jerk back to reality. I try and take the shortcut in everything. I want the fastest possible route to my end destination. I know that is especially true of our adoption journey. We have been trying to have a baby for 6 years and I think that's long enough. So I think that the journey has been long enough so we should have our baby already. I mean, I already know I am going to be a great parent right? Well this comment reminds me that the journey is really as important as the destination. Mike and I have learned so much about each other and about life in general that although I want a baby more than anything, I wouldn't trade the experiences with my husband for anything.

Thank you all again so much for the support and prayers as we continue down this path. We truly appreciate you all.

Nothing new here....

I wanted to check in even though there is nothing new to report. I checked in with our caseworker today. She hadn't had any new leads, but just wanted to check on us.
Tonight was haircut night at Mom and Dad's house so I got my baby fix. Got to love on some sweet babies. Even though I get a "fix", it does make me realize how much I want for Mike and I to be parents. I love the look on a babies face when they recognize their Mom or Dad. There is nothing like looking at that sweet face. I can only dream about that day, but I know when it comes, it will be everything I want it to be and more. God is taking care of the details even though we can't see it. It is hard to remember that when we are in the midst of everything, being bogged down by the details. My friend recommended a book to me by Steven Curtis Chapman's wife and I can't wait to read it. It deals with being bogged down by the deatils and not seeing the joy in every situation. I hope it will help me see with new eyes. Thanks again for all your support and prayers. Keep those leads coming. We truely appreciate everything you all do for us.

Ask and you shall recieve

We by far have the best family and friends. We ask for help finding information about international adoption and your respond in droves. We ask you to refer us to any potential birthmoms and we get a lead. We cannot tell you how excited we are that we have any responses at all. We are so blessed to have people who keep us in mind as they hear about situations. Even though some times, things do work out the way we would want them to, we are so thankful that we even hear anything. So please keep it going. We know once we have our baby all the heartaches and trial we went thru will be a memory,

Domestic or International

So the last couple of days, we have been looking at some international adoption possibilities like Russia or the Ukraine. We are not sure if we want to go this way, but want to keep our options open. I talked with our caseworker Laura to see if there was anything new. She didn't have anything new and hadn't talked to any birth moms. This greatly concerns me. I guess that's really why we are looking at some other options. We really want an infant, but do I want that to stop us from reaching our ultimate goal of parenthood? And how much do we want or can we afford to spend? All these questions are looming over our heads and nagging at us. Did we choose the right agency, did we choose correctly when we decided to go with domestic adoption. You name it, we are questioning. We know that adoption is the right path to parenthood for us, but questioning all the other decisions. If you know of anyone who has or is working with international adoption, we would love to talk with them. Also if you know of anyone who is thinking about adoption as a plan for their baby, please refer us. We have set up a new facebook page called Mike and Aprille's Adoption Profile. It has an email address where they can contact us. We appreciate all the prayers and well wishes. This has been a long road already and know we have a long road ahead.

Ready, Set, Wait!

Mike and I had our 6 month follow up visit last week. It was a little late due to the weather. This winter has caused a lot of delays on things. Jessica, our new licensing worker, came by and asked us her 100 questions or so. She was really great and is about our age. We felt really comfortable with her and know that she will be a great resource if we need her. As I sat and thought about all this, it's hard to believe that we have been in this process long enough to need our 6 month home visit recheck. Seems not long ago we were making the decision to stop infertility treatments. But wow, we made that decision last January. So we have been in the adoption mindset for over a year now. In March, we will have been working with Catholic Charities for a year. Seems so long, yet on the other hand seems so short. It seems like just a little while ago, we were filling out our mountain of paperwork. Pouring our hear and soul out to a total stranger who is the one who will decide if we will be a good "fit" to show to a potential birth mom. It was such a scary thought for a control freak like me. I have learned so much through this process. I am not in control and no matter how hard I wish or pray, I never will be. And boy am I glad for that. That is a lot of responsibility.



Mike and I decided we needed a little break and decided to head out to Punta Cana and get some R&R. What a relaxing time we got. We couldn't have asked for a nice place or weather than we got. God really knew what we needed and provided it. I was sitting on the beach just thanking God for allowing us to have the opportunity to go to such a beautiful place and also thanking him for creating it for all of us to enjoy. I know I don't take enough time to think about that.

So now we are back to reality and back to the waiting game. It's a weird feeling wondering if tomorrow will be the day you get the call the changes your life forever, to think that tonight might be the last night we spend as a family of 2. My heart skips a beat every time I get a call on my cell phone from a different number that I don't know. Please pray that Mike and I will continue to trust God and the workers he has placed us with to find the family He has created for us. Thank God that he does not give up on me even though I am so hard at "getting" the lesson he is trying to teach. As the song says "He's still workin on me, to make me what I ought to be. It took him just a week to make the moon and the stars, the sun and the earth and Jupiter, and Mars. How loving and patient he must be, cause he's still workin on me."